accumulation

I remember a parent that had lost her only two children say; you begin to heal when you begin to help others.

I thought at that time, Well I will never heal because I don’t have it in me to reach out to anyone; I can barely make it through a day.

Through the last four years I have sat in meeting after meeting and listened to some of the most horrendous stories until slowly, for a brief moment, I am taken into some else’s world and I feel their pain, instead of mine.

The moments are very short at first. I realize that my agony has been pushed a little deeper inside so another person’s pain can lie on the surface; if just for a while. This begins to happen more and more as time goes on. I notice this empathy rising up inside of me, this heartfelt compassion for another grieving parent and I do not know what to do with it anymore than I do with my own pain. So I hold their hand, I hug their neck and I cry with them.

I am beginning to see it; I am beginning to feel it. If this is healing, it does not feel like it because the pain is still there, the difference is, its just not all mine any more.

I wrote that three years ago. I can attest that indeed it was healing and indeed I am able to feel the pain of others. Part of the reason that I am involved with the Compassionate Friends is to reach out to others. I never asked for empathy, I never wanted it, but I find true empathy comes through experience.

Vickie Van Antwerp

cc 2/18/25